"Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your gonna get"

     I don't know about you, but for me when I get a box of chocolates I take the smallest little bite out of each chocolate because I'm scared of the taste. That's my problem though I play too safe, I don't take any risks. I have the same friends that I have had for years because I'm afraid of just putting myself out there.. So I'm taking a risk.. I am going to try my very hardest to write a blog at least once a week on what's going on in my life.

    I am now 18 years old and it's time to take responsibility. It's crazy how when we are little we wait to turn 18 saying how cool it will be to make our own rules, do our own thing, and be on our own.. hahaha!! I don't know what I was thinking because I am 18 now and I still want my mommy to call the doctors for my appointments. I want her to sign me up for my college classes. I don't get to make up my own rules because I still live under my parents roof, and there is no way I will be moving out any time soon because I would never be able to afford it or take on even MORE responsibilities!!! I'm not a girl, not yet a women.. so true Brittney Spears!

    Now I have to learn to slowly live on my own. It's not an easy adjustment either. I'm like way far in denial about this adult hood thing. Let me stop complaining though because I really do have a great life. It's just that the year that is already hard enough because I'm an adult, just got even harder. This year has been filled with a lot of crazy news, hospitals, doctors appointments, scares, and regrets.

   You know that quote, "don't ever regret anything, because at one point it's exactly what you wanted"? This quote CAN be very accurate in a lot of cases, however not in mine. Sometimes we do things we really don't want to do but we feel so hopeless and confused we just jump the gun... than we regret it... Instead of "exactly what you wanted" I loveee this quote, "don't ever regret something that once made you smile!" Well put!! Regret is probably one of the worst feelings that could be inside the heart. You know it's your fault, you know you want to fix it, but you have no idea if it's too late. If your like me you try sooo hard to fix the problem which could also make things even worse... ughh!

   Do I have an excuse because I was hurting? I would love to say "yes I have a major excuse and because I have something going on in my life I should have every right to say what I want and do what I want and you HAVE TO forgive me.. because I have an excuse." Life totally doesn't work that way unfortunately.. so what do I do? Move on.. nope, cant.. why? Because I'm Samantha and I never move on.. Another thing I gotta work on..

   What I know I can do is try to fix what I have done, try my hardest to forgive myself because if I can't forgive myself I think it makes it harder for people to forgive me. Eventually everything will work out because someone once told me, "in the end its good and if it's not good it's not the end." My other favorite quote..."when it rains, it pours, after the rain comes a rainbow." I guess I'll just wait for my rainbow..

    While I'm writing I just want to say Happy Father's Day! I have an amazing daddy who has been there through all of my trials and tribulations in life and I'm very thankful for him.. He helps me through my rough times and laughs with me through good times.. I love my daddy so very much! Also, my Poppop practically raised me too and I am so thankful for him as well.. He has also been there through everything and I know he always will be.. You both are my everything thank you for teaching me, loving me, and believing in me! Love you xoxo!

<----My daddy!!











                                               My Poppop-------->